kaeleers_heart: (Jaenelle Darkness : _hushed_art)
A chance encounter that changed my life?

It would definitely have to be the first time I saw Lucivar. He wished for a witch that he could call friend and I heard him... so I answered his call.

He was big and imposing and quite prickly when he asked me questions. He looked like he bit into something sour when I would answer his questions. There was a look in his eyes that I didn't understand until much later and when I grew older and realized what the look meant, it made me wish I had had more control of my power right then. I would have shattered everything to help him.

I never forgot him and I always thought of him. In fact, that meeting taught me how to deal with Prothvar when he wouldn't put me down.

Somehow, I don't think Prothvar would thank him for that.

Meeting Lucivar like that in that place made me see that others could be hurt even if they were adults and I wanted to fix that.

It made me want to protect those I love even more.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 188
kaeleers_heart: (Jaenelle At The Altar : _hushed_art)
My... mother...

The woman who gave birth to me was Leland Angelline and she was married to Robert... but in love with Uncle Phillip... who was my real father even if he wouldn't acknowledge that. He wouldn't acknowledge that he was Wilhemina's father, either.

But we are not talking about them are we?

As I said, Leland gave birth to me. However, no matter the blood ties, she never acted like a real mother. She never stood up for me when Alexandra or Phillip or Uncle Bobby decided that I was sick-minded and sent me to Briarwood. She never took any interest in me or got to know the child she had produced. I think she tried a time or two, I really want to believe that... but in the end, what matters the most is how many times she just stood there, allowing horrible things to happen without lifting a hand or saying a word.

Leland was never a real mother, not really.

When I think of the term mother as it applies to myself and the way I grew up, I think of a kitchen that always smelled good and arms that were always ready to give me a hug and just talk to me. I think of a library and a dark hall where all of my questions were answered and where I was just myself.

Mrs. Beale and Draca.

Growing up, even before I was hurt and could only visit from time to fragile time, Mrs. Beale and Draca were always there to hold me and give me the things that Leland couldn't seem to bring herself to give me.

Draca and Mrs. Beale helped Papa to teach and to raise me and were the mothers that I needed. Oh, the mothers of my friends always made me feel like family and feel wanted and accepted. but when I think of mothers, the images that swim into my mind are always of Draca and Mrs. Beale.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 330
kaeleers_heart: (Jaenelle : Eurynomeschild)
He did not so much get away as fall into the Twisted Kingdom and remain trapped there until I remembered him and the events of the night that had been the last time i saw him.

Before you condemn, I did not forget about him on purpose, nor did I just ignore his existence.

The last time I saw him, I had been hurt... and badly. I spent two years deep in the Abyss and away from my body while the family watched over me. When I came back, I had no memory of everything that had happened that night. I had no memory of Daemon.

It wasn't until I was eightteen that the memories came flooding back when I was confronted with Tersa's agitation about Daemon needing help and needing help now.

I went into the Twisted Kingdom as soon as I was able to find him and I brought him away from the word sharks that were tormenting him. I lay a path for him to follow... and now I have my Consort and my love.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 178
kaeleers_heart: (Dreams Made Flesh : _hushed_art)
*Jaenelle felt a flash of sadness as she thought about the question. She didn't like thinking of her childhood much... except for the times she had been able to sneak away and see Saetan... or her friends. They had been the rare glimpses of happiness and acceptance she had received as a child. Well, those and the times she had spent with Daemon when he had been assigned to Beldon Mor.*

It is hard to think of my childhood sometimes. It was not a time that I have many cherished memories of --- at least from the times I was at Beldon Mor, Chaillot.

My most desired ambition when I was a child was to not be as different as I was... and to wear a lesser jewel so my relatives would take notice of me and not think that I was just a difficult child they had been stuck with.

Wearing Birthright Black sets you so apart from everyone around you... and it's made that much worse when you're Witch and you have so much uncontrolled power. It's a lonely path to walk when those who should love you as you love them don't want to listen to you or believe in you.

So, for the longest time, I just wanted to be a normal child with lighter jewels. I wanted to be loved by my relatives and accepted by them and into their hearts. I wanted to not be the one to heal everything around me and not be the one with the responsibility of taking care of the things that had been tainted or destroyed.

After that last night at Briarwood and the horror of Cassandra's Altar, my relatives thought I was dead.

Saetan, Andulvar, Memphis, Prothvar, Draca and the others of the Keep took care of my body while I was away from it for two years. When I came back, I was no longer a child.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 322
kaeleers_heart: (Jaenelle Darkness : _hushed_art)
"Leash your fear, High Lord," she said with some asperity. "It will do her more harm now than anything else. Leash it, or lose her."

Saetan's hand closed over her wrist. "I'm not afraid of her, I'm afraid for her."

Tersa shook her head. "She will be too tired to sense the difference. She will only sense the fear. Choose, High Lord, and live with what you choose."
-- "Heir to the Shadows"

Most people that do not know me are very afraid of me and what I can do. Even some of the people that know me and love me are afraid of me. They see me as a threat, as something that must be destroyed.

I have always been different. To some, it didn't matter, but to others it mattered so much more.

The Coven and Boyos perceive me as their sister and their friend before anything else. I am Jaenelle first and Witch afterwards. It has always been this way. The family sees me as daughter, sister, niece, cousin and Queen.

Daemon... Daemon sees me as his mate, as his love.

They are all the exceptions to the rule.

My blood relatives always thought I was a sick-minded child who wore no jewels and couldn't learn basic Craft. When I told them about the things I knew or had seen, they didn't believe me and said I was ill. The only one who believed in me and the things I said was Wilhemina, but even she was afraid of me at times because I was different. I had power that she couldn't understand and sometimes I would lose the leash of my temper and that power would show itself in my dealings with others.

Hekatah and Dorothea perceive me to be a weak-willed girl with extreme power who can be easily manipulated. They have tried since I was very young to either destroy me or take me away from those that I love and whom love me. You would think by now that they would have learned that you should not threaten what is mine.

In general? Those that see me are afraid to approach me.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 362
kaeleers_heart: (Default)
Close your eyes and think about what you've been missing in your life lately. It could be a person, pet, place, thing, occasion, feeling. Anything at all that you miss dearly. … Challenge #122

There are several things that I miss so strongly that they sometimes become solid in the air around me. There are times that I think I can just reach out and touch them and they will be here with me.

If I had to pick just one thing?

Wilhemina's innocence in the world around us.

I love my sister. I'm protective of her to the point of it becoming detrimental to myself. Growing up, Wilhemina's senses and her belief in herself had been so brutalized and stomped down that she became a mere shadow of the witch she could have been. Through all of this, she had this innocence that no one could touch, and that I vowed that no one would ever destroy as long as I lived.

Wilhemina never saw the ugliness that existed all around us in Beldon Mor. I never shared with her the things that went on in Briarwood. I would protect her from that much of the world, at least. Instead, I shared with her the stories of the unicorns and the centaurs. I told her about my teacher who never said a cross word to me, and the friends and companions I had met in the surrounding lands and kingdoms. I entertained her with stories of the boyos and the coven and how the spiders of Arachna could weave webs like no other witch ever could.

I worked hard to protect Wilhemina's innocence and keep her ignorant of the ugliness that went on outside Beldon mor. In return, Wilhemina listened to my stories and kept my secrets for me. When I travelled to other lands, she protected that absence by telling everyone that I was feeling unwell or she'd make things happen where I would have more time to myself and thus able to go to Papa for my studies.

I had determined that I would only stay in Beldon Mor until Wilhemina made her offering to the Darkness. Then, and only then, would she be able to protect herself and I would no longer be needed to shelter her.

Things don't always go as planned and on that Winsol night, one of the "Uncles" decided that he took a fancy to my sister. He tried to mount her that night... I and a broken bottle explained to him how that would not be happening.

That was the last time I saw my sister---until Lucivar brought her to Kaeleer.

I look at her now and I see the shadows in her eyes of things that she has seen that I had tried so hard to shelter her from. I see the bruises in her mind of things that I had never wanted her to go through. My only consolation in that is that Briarwood had been destroyed so there was no threat of her having been sent there.

She's slowly coming out of her shell here in Kaeleer. The Coven and the Boyos have accepted her as a sister and I think that has surprised her. Papa looks out for her, as does Lucivar. Although if he ever gets her drunk again I will kick his Eyrien ass from here to Hell. Surreal keeps an eye on her and is helping her to have more faith in herself. She's showing that she has a strength that none of our relatives ever gave her credit for. Dejaal stays by her side and lets no one unwelcome come near her.

She's grown and changed, my big sister. She's adapted and she's seen a great many things.

But there are times that I get wistful and I miss Wilhemina's innocence.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 609
kaeleers_heart: (Default)
Fortune: Some people have it, some people seek it, some claim to predict it, and some say that it favors the brave. Write a ficlette inspired by the word "fortune."


There are so many definitions, so many variations of such a simple word.

[[Locked from Saetan, Lucivar, Daemon, Surreal]]

First, I do not think that fortune favors the brave. If it did, why would those that are the bravest people I know have suffered so much in their lives? Where was the favor when Papa lost both of his sons at such young ages? Where was the favor when my brother, Lucivar, was imprisoned in the Salt Mines of Pruul --- or anytime before that? Where was the favor when my beloved was hurt and tormented so badly... and then again when he spent thirteen years in the Twisted Kingsom because he had been brave? Where was the favor when Surreal was strong and brave after her mother was murdered?

I don't see that fortune favored them for the bravery they showed throughout in all of their trials.


If you ask many of the non-tainted Blood, they'd tell you that I am the product of their fortune.

I've been told all of my life that I was their Dream. They dreamed for me to come and help them and stop the taint of the Blood and the actions of the Queens like Dorothea and Hekatah. They dreamed for a witch and a queen that was powerful enough to stand against the evil and the taint that places like Chaillot had become.

Tersa told them I was coming. She predicted what would happen when the witch they dreamed for would arrive. Few believed her warnings. Few believed that this Witch would be the power that Tersa predicted. They dreamed that fortune would favor them and provide what they asked... but they didn't believe it would happen; and not in the way in which Tersa warned them. They asked for her to tell them their fortunes... and she did.

Daemon believed her, though, and so did Lucivar. Papa believed when he was told long ago by Cassandra. Their fortune, so they say, was me when I was dreamt into being. Dreams Made Flesh.

I have seen other examples of fortune. I have seen the massacres of Kindred because humans and tainted creatures wanted the fortune and prestige that the land of the Kindred could bring them in their circles. They sought their fortune in the blood of others. Doing things that way tends to backfire on them now. They sought their fortunes in the land of the Unicorns and they killed Katien... and that's when I made my offering to the Darkness and became Queen.

The fortune that others have, they sometimes don't realize they have it because they don't see it as I do. Your fortune is what you make it and it can be the best thing you ever do.


My fortune came from Papa.

Papa gave me my fortune when he gave me a family who loved me for me and was willing to accept all that I was and would be. Everything he gave me was more than I could ever have imagined. Because of the love and the safety he gave me, I have Daemon. I have Lucivar and Surreal. I have the Coven and the Boyos. Most of all, I have myself.

Fortune wears many guises and it's up to you to decide which is real and which is the more important one.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 569
kaeleers_heart: (Jaenelle : Eurynomeschild)
Finally, a question that is easy for me to answer.

My dream home is made with ebon stones that pulse with life and greet members of the family as they enter. It has lush carpets, airy rooms, large windows and plenty of space for the Kindred to visit. It has room for children to run and to grow ... and to drive their father's mad with their adventures.

My dream home has a library with a large fireplace where I can sit curled up with Daemon and relax. I can read a book without being disturbed or we can talk in comfort. It has private rooms for family and for Queens and Consorts... but it also has large gathering rooms for entertaining and greeting others.

My dream home has Papa making his way through it to get all grumbly at the Coven and I, and for him to chase after Geoffrey to see just what the Boyos may be talking to. It has Marian surprising us with one of her new recipes and reminding us just how spirited she can be when she sets her mind to it.

My dream home is someplace that I can come to at the end of the day and be at peace. It is my refuge, a place where I am not Witch, but merely Jaenelle, or Cat, or Waif, or Witch-child. It is a place where there are no castes and no jewelled ranks that seperate you from those you care about or love.

My dream home is Papa, Lucivar, Andulvar, Mephis, Prothvar... it's Surreal, Karla, Morghann, Khary, Morton, Marian...

My dream home is wherever my Prince is free and happy.

My dream home is Daemon.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 282
kaeleers_heart: (Witch : Twlory)
My father?

How do I describe the man my father is in simple words?

Saetan SaDiablo is a man whom words just do not do justice to.

Papa took me into his heart when I was very young and my birth family didn't want anything to do with me. He loved me and valued me... and was never afraid of what I was or would grow up to be.

Papa took me in and protected me, then made his home and protection open to the Kindred and the Coven and the boyos. My Papa became Uncle Saetan to so many and even when it seemed like we were going to bring the Hall crashing down around his ears, he never once complained. Well, he wasn't serious in his complaining.

Papa gave me something I had never had in my life before.

He gave me a home... a family.

Because of Papa, I met my uncle and my cousin, my big brother, my Consort.

He made Lucivar welcomed and he adopted Surreal, the sister of my soul.

He helped me become Witch... and helped school me in the Protocol of the Blood. He helped heighten my strength, and didn't turn away because my temper and the spirals.

There are not enough words to tell anyone how much my Father means to me.

I love my father, and would give my life for him should he need so.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 238
kaeleers_heart: (Daughter : Barbed_Whispers)
The best present I have ever given to someone had to be the year that I gave the magical Winsol tree to Char and the cildru dyathe.

The island of the cildru dyathe is a bleak and barren place for the children who reside there --- and with good reason. The island, in its stark-ness, in its unyielding bleakness, held no deceptions, no illusions. Poisons weren't sugar-coated, brutality wasn't masked by silk and lace. There was nowhere for cruelty to hide. Papa had told me that there was no way I could manage in such a short period of time to give something to all of my friends. Instead, he suggested that I give something to someone that wouldn't have much, or that would be left out of the festivities.

That's when I decided to create the tree for the cildru dyathe.

The cildru dyathe do not trust adults, and for good reason. They are demon dead children who were hurt or killed by adults that should have taken care of them. They were my first friends and I wanted to do something special for them.

I think that tree was the best gift that I ever gave anyone.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 206
kaeleers_heart: (Witch : Twlory)
Things said in anger?

There have been several things I have said in the heat of anger. Some were well-deserved, some perhaps not so much deserved. I have a temper some say. I believe we have covered that many times already.

Sometimes, in the heat of anger, my good sense tends to get pushed to the back by the predatory side of me that is all Witch. I do not feel like I have a short temper...no matter what the family may say. However, I can be pressed to use anger as a tool when it is needed to be.

Like when I lost my temper and wanted to kill Lord Friall for the things he had said about Papa. However, that is another story for another time.

The things I most wish I could take back are things that can never be erased. Words hurled in anger are the ones that hang in the air and can never be taken back --- no matter how much you wish it to be different.

It was shortly after I turned seventeen. I had been summoned because Sylvia was concerned about Tersa. When I got there, Tersa was agitated and when she said his name, all of the memories came flooding back.


Daemon, the one who had been my dearest friend, had defended me, had given me my first kiss ... he was trapped in the Twisted Kingdom.

I bared my teeth at Lucivar, wouldn't let him touch me, and then... I went to have words with Papa.

I Don't Want Your Help, High Lord )

I was so angry, so very angry. I didn't understand how they could have left him there. Saetan had known that he was hurt that he was suffering and he hadn't told me. I felt betrayed and hurt. I was hurting for me and hurting for Daemon.

I remembered the night I was raped and how I had almost died. When I had dove deep into the abyss to escape all of what had happened, Daemon dove in after me. Only...he went too deep and he shattered his chalice. He followed me, brought me back and he was punished by his family for it.

First by Saetan who had left him there when the Uncles were attacking Briarwood. He was weak, fragile, and he was left behind to deal with everything and everyone.

When we were in the abyss, I had repaired his chalice, but it was so very fragile. As I told Saetan, anything could have broken him while he was that vulnerable. But it wasn't just anything that had broken him. It had been his own brother. That I could forgive. Lucivar wasn't in very good shape and when he thought Daemon had hurt me...had killed me...something broke inside of him.

I had spent a great deal of time with Lucivar, healing him and getting him acclimated to how different life was in Kaeleer from Terrielle. All those weeks and months while we were working together and forming court and familial bonds, he hadn't told me what he had done to Daemon. He never told me where the love of my life, my only friend in Beldon Mor was.

I understood how Lucivar might have been afraid to tell me what he had done to Daemon. How could he have known how I would react. When I found out, I was so angry, but not at Lucivar. He had been traumatized by the sight of so much of my blood that was spilled. The only other psychic scent he could detect on that sheet besides mine was Daemon's...his brother's. He had no idea what had happened on that night.

Saetan had known...but he hadn't found out until shortly before I had. At the time, that fact didn't matter to me. What had mattered to me was that Daemon was trapped somewhere and being destroyed piece by piece while he was there.

Saetan was his father. He was there that night. He knew what happened. He knew what Daemon had done and had not done. He knew and he had let his son down twice...at least that's how my seventeen year old emotions had felt at the time.

Things are better now. Daemon is back with us and the family is tied very closely together.

I don't want your help, High Lord.

I wish more than anything that I could take back the words said in anger on that painful night.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 751
(Not counting excerpt from the book. Word count is 1,286 with excerpt from book)

**Excerpt from "Heir to the Shadows" by Anne Bishop
kaeleers_heart: (Standing on the Edge : Twlory)
Have you ever betrayed someone's confidence? Has anyone ever betrayed you? Write a ficlet ont the theme of betrayal. ... Challenge #87

She knows something of betrayal.

The first time she had been betrayed, she had been five.

the betrayers of that five year old girl had been her own grandmother and supposed father. She had told him of the unicorns she had met and how they loved her. She had expected them to be as excited as she was. She wanted them to meet others like the unicorns.

But they hadn't been excited. They hadn't wanted to meet the unicorns. They hadn't believed her and said she was making up stories.

That was the first time they had put her in that awful place. She was in and out several times between the ages of five and twelve. Her own relatives had accused her of making up horrible stories because she told them the truth about some of the most despicable acts she had witnessed.

It was easy for them to lock her away. She didn't wear jewels. According to them, she had failed the birthright test. she hadn't failed...they just hadn't descended deep enough to find the true note of the jewel she wore.

But even wearing birthright black, she hadn't been able to make her relatives believe her or even listen to her. They called her a sick-minded girl for making up such lies. Robert had been the one to summon that horrible doctor and sent her to Briarwood.

In and out since she was five.

The servants at the Angelline estate knew what she was, who she was, but they never feared her and they never betrayed her secret. Only her sister, Wilhemina had known that she was powerful and different. Though she loved her younger sister, there were things that frightened her at times. She wanted to protect her, but she hadn't been strong enough to.

She still couldn't Wilhemina to let go of her guilt over that last night at the Angelline estate.

She had been twelve, trying to protect Wilhemina and this time...this time it was Alexandra herself who had betrayed her. Alexandra had sent her away again.

Alexandra, Queen of Chaillot and her own grandmother had betrayed her on the night that had ripped her world apart.

When she was sixteen, the Dark Council had tried to betray her. They tried to take her away from her family.

They tried to rip her world apart again, heedless of the consequences.

They decided that Saetan wasn't an appropriate guardian for her and wanted to place her with a family in Little Terrielle.

They soon decided differently.

When she was eightteen, she learned that Saetan, her father, had betrayed her.

Daemon and Saetan...the father and his mirror.

On that night of blood, Daemon had convinced her to heal the body. He thinks that he betrayed her by not being honest in the abyss. He thinks that he committed the worst betrayal by lying to her to get her to come back.

She doesn't see it that way.

In her way...she knows it was she who betrayed Daemon in the worst way.

She forgot him.

She forgot him and niether Saetan nor Lucivar ever told her about him. they kept the truth from her about Daemon...who had loved her.

According to Lucivar she talked in her sleep sometimes and he learned the whole story of that horrible night.

He knew...and he hadn't told her.

It wasn't until she went to help an upset Tersa that she was forced to remember what happened that night.

She betrayed Daemon and he suffered for it.

He had been her friend, had loved her, and she had forgotten all about him when she had woken up from her coma-like sleep.

She had committed the worst betrayal of anyone.

She had betrayed the lover of her soul.

So yes...she knows something of betrayal.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 644
kaeleers_heart: (Default)
My greatest strength? I thought everyone in all three realms would know the answer to this by now. I mean, they've only tried to use it against me for the last how many years?

I was once told that my greatest strength is also the source of my greatest weakness.

My greatest strength is my propensity for caring and my heart.

I care a lot about people --- sometimes even those that do not deserve for me to care about what happens to them.

See, I generally do not like to see anyone or anything suffer. Life is a very precious thing to me and I do my best to make the lives of those I come into contact with just a little bit better in any capacity that I can.

I love deeply and I would do anything in my power for those I love. It is through their love and acceptance that I find some humanity within me when Witch starts to spiral.

I cannot stop the spirals, again because I have a deep well of emotion and feeling. The ones that love me, they anchor me to this world and help me find my path back to them and to calm.

People like Hekatah and Dorothea do not understand even the smallest amount of this. They mock anyone who cares that deeply about anything but power. They have tried more than once to get to me through my family. They tried to get to me through the Kindred. They think that emotions and ties are something to be manipulated or are strings meant to be pulled to get what they want.

You would think that they would both know better by now. They have both witnessed what lengths I will go to to protect myself and those that I hold dear. They even made the miscalculation of sending Alexandra and Leland here in hopes of manipulating me. Alexandra learned the hard way that this would never happen.

They underestimated how much I cared about all of these people. These are the people of Witch. These are the subjects of the Queen of Ebon Askavi. They have neglected to realize that I would do almost anything to protect those that I love and that love me.

Do you not understand yet?

My greatest strength is the love I get from my family, my friends, Daemon, the Kindred and the rest of the people who know me and love me.

As long as they love me and accept me, I can do anything that is required.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 426
kaeleers_heart: (Witch : Twlory)
Something that I don't want anybody to know about me?

*Jaenelle sighs and looks at Lord Magstrom.*

You know me answering this question totally negates the part about it being something that I don't want anyone to know, correct? If they had sent anyone but you for these weekly interviews they wouldn't get past Beale, but I like you. So, I want your absolute word, swear on your Jewels that you will not repeat this to anybody.

*Jaenelle sighs again, and it's a with a mournful tone that she begins speaking to the only one on the Dark Council she holds any degree of respect for. He's like a grandfatherly figure and he's always been kind and understanding when he visits her. He's also never shown fear of her...well, except that time she tried to kill Lord Fribble. Oh, and there was that time when she made the offering to the Darkness...*

I cannot cook.

No, not even the simplest thing. I have absolutely no kitchen skills whatsoever.

It doesn't bother Mrs. Beale. She loves taking care of the Coven and the Boyos, and she knows that we think she is the best cook in the world. I know you agree. You've had her spiced nutcakes. You know what a marvel she is to all of us. By the way, when it comes to us girls, she has the patience of a saint and don't let anyone else tell you different. She tried to teach Karla, Gabrielle and I how to cook one of her famous recipes one day. Let's just say that the phrase "It ended in disaster" is quite the understatement.

Anyway, I cannot cook, not at all. Several people have tried to teach me, and I just cannot do it. The first time I tried cooking in my cabin? The wolves didn't even wait for it to come out of the oven before they were digging a hole to give it a burial in.

My poor sister!

Marian also tried to teach me to cook once. We started with teaching me to make boiled eggs. They cooked beautifully...on the outside. On the inside, they were still a slimy mess of raw egg.

Lucivar said that I drove her to drink that night. He apparently came home to a Marian that was so traumatized by trying to teach me to cook that she was drunk.

Again, Marian doesn't mind cooking for me when I visit...or any other time for that matter. She is a fantastic cook herself and she and Mrs. Beale get along famously.

I keep thinking that someday I will be able to master this cooking thing. Everyone around me tells me not to worry about it that there are things that I can do better than anyone else. So what if I blow up the kitchen because I mix up a spell with a casserole...

Lord Magstrom? Are you alright? Why is your face so red?

Lord Magstrom...why are you...oh just laugh and get it out with before you hurt yourself.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 511
kaeleers_heart: (Standing on the Edge : Twlory)
My favorite time of day is definitely the night time, right around midnight.

The night is when I feel the most at peace, when I can walk along the land and calm the uneasiness that sometimes rages within me. The night is when I feel the most at one with the world around me. In the sunlight I think I stand out too much. My power makes it hard not to---even though I would rather not.

The night is where I can blend in and just be me. I can sit by the water and just listen to the natural sounds of the world around me. I can walk among the forest and be welcomed by the creatures there. I don't have to wonder if someone is going to see me and either become intimidated or disgusted by my appearance. In the night, I can shuck the human trappings and walk around in my own form.

Most humans cannot handle seeing my real form...I have even been called monstrous...by relatives. Yes, Alexandra said I was monstrous.

I am Dreams Made Flesh...but so many people seem to have made the mistake to think that only humans did the dreaming. They think that only humans dreamed me into being. They are wrong. They are so very wrong.

The Kindred dreamed, too. The Kindred dreamed without any expectations, without any set thought on what I should be like. They just wanted me. They dreamed a pure dream and they needed me.

That's not to say that no non-Kindred had a pure dream of me. Papa, Andulvar, Mephis, Prothvar...they all dreamed of me for a very long time. Draca and Lorn...I still believe they are the ones that helped to create me in the final parts of the Dreaming. Most of the families of the Coven and the Boyos dreamed for me to come. Lucivar...Surreal...Titian...Tersa... and Daemon. My Daemon. They all had a dream that I would come. That I would rule, protect and love. They know who I am and they love me. They didn't have a set picture of what I would be, either. I don't think they realized I would come to them as a child and that they would help me as much as they have.

But even at a place like the Keep or the Hall, there are those that would not accept seeing me as I really am. They accept me clothed in the human flesh because it is easier for them.

Now, I still think there are few humans that could accept me for who I am outside of the family and the Coven. Oh, I know that Midir and Keelia could probably accept who I am beneath the flesh, though I do not know them very well. Cole and Phoebe... I think with everything they have seen, they would probably accept me.

But others...

Witch walks the world, but she can only walk in her true form at night.

It isn't that my true form is frightening---at least no one in the family seems to think so---it is just different.

I remember Alexandra's reaction when she saw who I was...

Alexandra and Jaenelle in the Abyss )

It hurt...it hurt deeply. I should have known better. I should have known that Alexandra had never accepted me for who I was as just Jaenelle, her granddaughter. Why should I have expected her to accept me as Witch and for everything that I am?

I now knew that not many people could accept Witch in her true form. My relatives definitely couldn't without assuming I was some evil creature that had stolen away their granddaughter's shape. In that instant, when Alexandra denied me, I let go of my past. I let go of my hope that I would ever win their love or their acceptance. In that instant, I was free.

That is when I began to appreciate the nighttime even more. My walks in the night began to become even longer and more frequent. Papa, Uncle Andulvar, Mephis and Cousin Prothvar have never asked questions about the walks I always take at night. I think they understood sooner than even I did.

Daemon and Lucivar have never asked, but I'm sure they understand why. One of these nights, maybe they will even walk with me.

The nighttime is indeed my favorite time. It is the time I can be myself and not have anyone stare at me or pass judgment on me for who and what I am.

The night is my best friend.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 763
(Not counting the exerpt from the book. Words are 1,035 with exerpt included)

**Exerpt from "Queen of the Darkness" by Anne Bishop
kaeleers_heart: (Default)
Jaenelle stared at the question, all color draining from her face as she read the words over and over again.

Describe the place you grew up.

She gripped the sides of the writing desk as her entire body started shaking.

Describe the place you grew up. Describe the place you grew up. Describe the place you grew up.

Jaenelle's eyes went blank and tears started spilling down her cheeks as she relived those early years of her life.

Briarwood is the pretty poison. There is no cure for Briarwood. Beware the golden spider who spins a tangled web. )

Jaenelle shuddered as she tried to make the memories of her childhood disappear.

"Briarwood was a horrible place," she whispered as she started writing out her answer to the question. "They did everything to break us...to make us easier to control. The young witches of Chaillot were to be broken or forced to submit to the control of the men who did not hold true to the way of the Blood. The men of Chaillot pretended to respect the way of the Blood, but all they were doing was playing lip service to it. They had decided they didn't want to honor or to serve any longer. They wanted the witches broken to be under their control and to do as they willed." She paused as she fought to get all of her thoughts into some semblance of order.

"My family never believed the things I would tell them. They didn't believe my stories of the places I had gone to see. They very definitely didn't believe me about Briarwood and the Uncles. They would tell me I was sick in the mind for making up such awful lies and they would send me back. They would send me back to be starved and beaten...

"Then when I was twelve, it all came to a head and exploded into so many pieces. I had spun a trap, a widows web. It would only go into action upon the shedding of my blood. The web would do a very simple thing. My only command was "To each give what he gave." Every bit of pain and fear and torture that each man had rained down on those helpless girls would all come back to him. The end result would be death...and not an easy death. It may never have gone into effect...except for Greer and Kartane.

"The night that Greer attacked me, my blood was shed, the trap went into affect. There is no cure for Briarwood, you see. Greer attacked me, my chalice was shattered. Surreal killed Greer for raping and nearly killing me. She took me to Cassandra's altar. Daemon and Saetan fought to make me heal the body and stay in it. In the end, Daemon let me go. He told me to go somewhere safe and collect the pieces of my Chalice. Saetan took me to the Keep so my body could heal and he had himself named my guardian. Saetan became my Papa.

"And that, my friends, is the place where I grew up. Briarwood. I grew up in Briarwood and it nearly killed me. Were it not for those that truly loved me, the place where I grew up would have been the place I died as well."

Jaenelle swallowed.

"Briarwood is the pretty poison. There is no cure for Briarwood."

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 968
kaeleers_heart: (Jaenelle Laughter : Twlory)
The first time I saw...

Daemon SaDiablo...well, I felt him more than saw him at first.

See, I was about eight or nine and I was at Briarwood again. I was hurt and I was trying to fight back, but I didn't have the knowledge or the strength to overcome what was happening.

I screamed for help along the Black. I needed knowledge from Saetan, but I didn't know exactly what I needed. I couldn't put it into words. Saetan knew, he kept telling me to fight, but I couldn't. There was something I needed...and Saetan opened his mind to a child who didn't know how to enter another's mind gently. I must have given him quite the headache.

However, Saetan wasn't the only one that answered my scream for help.

Sadi arrived, too. He lent both Saetan and I the strength to do what I needed to survive the attack that was happening to me at Briarwood.

He helped and paid the price for that help.

He was in service to some both named Cornelia, and when she realized he had been using his jewels, she hurt him.

I was angry, very angry when I found this out.

That night, I went to him and I healed him. I owed him at least that much. For every cut he had sustained I swore that someone else would have ten.

Even then, I found myself being extremely protective of Daemon.

Then, he was sent to our home in Chaillot two years later.

The first time I saw him, I was sitting in the kitchen with Cook and Wilhelmina. We were eating and Cook was smiling, happy to have me back at home. When Daemon entered the kitchen, I stopped and looked at him for a long moment in silence. I decided then and there that he was one person that I could trust with my secrets. I knew that he would never betray me.

The first time I saw Daemon?

I fell in love.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
kaeleers_heart: (Standing on the Edge : Twlory)
A romantic partner?

I have never had the need to look for a romantic partner. I knew when I was...twelve...whom I wanted to be with if he wanted me. I have been in love with Daemon SaDiablo since the first time I felt him near me, I believe. He was my first kiss, my first for a lot of things. He also saw and heard the way my family treated me. Even though everyone said I was deficient in some way, Daemon never believed it and was always there for me.

If he didn't want me?

That's a hard question, then.

I would want someone who was actually a partner in all ways that mattered. He would need to be strong enough to accept me for who I am...but not be afraid of me. He would need to be firm, but strong enough to bend if it was needed.

I'm an Ebony-jeweled Queen, a Healer, and a natural Black Widow.

I would need a Warlord Prince who could accept who I am and not try to change me.

I would need a partner who accept my relationships with the Family, the Coven and the Boyos. He would need to be secure enough in who he is not to feel threatened by the ties that bind me to the Coven and The Boyos. I could not be with someone that couldn't understand that bond or was jealous of it.

He would need to accept my family.

My father is the High Lord of Hell. My uncle, the most feared demon-dead Eyrien warrior in history. My brother Mephis and my cousin Prothvar are demon-dead as well. Lucivar Yaslana is my brother and the First Escort in my First Circle. They all serve in my court and they are my family. I could never be with someone who couldn't accept my family.

He would need to be a friend of Kaeleer...and not an ally of Terrielle.

Most importantly...he couldn't fear me. I couldn't be with a man who was afraid of me or what I can do. I must be accepted for everything I am. I will accept nothing less.

However, all of this is a moot point since I have a Consort...since I have a partner that I am very much in love with.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 393
kaeleers_heart: (Queen : Barbed_Whispers)
*Jaenelle looks at the question and sighs with a shake of her head. The questions of the Dark Council were getting a bit more difficult to answer...and a little more painful. But it had been agreed that she would answer these questions instead of returning for visits with the Aristo families in Little Terrielle. Nobody wanted to deal with the wrath of Lucivar and the rest of her Eyrien bodyguards that now travelled into that territory with her. Lucivar refused to let her return to that territory alone any longer. After what Dorothea and Heketah had tried the last time, she really didn't blame him.*

Most around me would probably say that the rape at Briarwood was the most difficult obstacle for me to have had to overcome. After all, it did shatter the Chalice. I managed to repair it, though. Yes it took over two excrutiating years (to Papa, Andulvar, Mephis, and Prothvar) of agony for me to do so, but I did find most of the pieces to the Crystal Chalice. But even that, when my memory of the incident finally returned, was not the hardest obstacle for me to overcome.

Others might venture a guess that my relatives were the biggest obstacle in my existence. They were the biggest threat, but not the biggest obstacle. Besides, they were more an obstacle to my real family than they were to me (No Kaelas, you may not eat them. No Ladvarian, you may not trick them into the webs of the Arachna Witches, either.)

While my relatives---with the exception of Wilhemina---were a difficulty and an obstacle for some, they are not the hardest thing I have had to overcome.

In truth, the biggest obstacle I have had to overcome in my existence is the fact that I wear Birthright Black, but still have trouble with basic Craft. *sighs forlornly* I can make the sun refuse to rise for two days, but I cannot call in my shoes. The Kindred seem to enjoy fetching my shoes for me when they think I need them (although the first few times they didn't match, so I lined them up in pairs for them to pick out easily), but it has still been an annoyance of mine that I cannot do something so simple.

Papa tried to teach me to call my shoes to me once...and only once. I managed to call everything in his study that had even the smallest bit of leather to me...with the exception of my shoes. While the study was crashing in around us, my shoes stayed stubbornly on the table where Papa had placed it. After I retrieved Papa from under his overturned leather sofa, he decided that maybe we shouldn't teach me Craft in his study.

I was upset for a very long time because I was afraid that if I couldn't master basic Craft, Papa and the others wouldn't love me any longer. I understood later that they would have loved me no matter what, but I was a child and my relatives already treated me like a disappointed in me because they didn't think I wore any Jewels at all. I wore Jewels, just no one in my family wore a dark enough Jewel to detect what I wore within me. Papa did.

When I woke up from the coma, Papa introduced me to Luthvien, Lucivar's mother. She was prickly and I don't think she liked me at first. She was going to teach me basic Craft and Papa was going to continue with my Black Widow training. She had very little success getting me to do what she was trying to teach me. I never understood, and I don't think anyone else did, why I could make an entire room float around and disappear...but I couldn't doing anything as simple as call in a small item or cook.

I finally overcame that obstacle. I still cannot call in my own shoes, but Ladvarian has trained other Kindred to retrieve them for me. I was upset that they felt they had to do things like this for me until I saw what joy it brought to them to know they were helping me.

So, I let those who wish to do the smaller, simpler things for me, and I do the bigger things that the Queen of Ebon Askavi needs to do.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 738
kaeleers_heart: (Blue Jaenelle : Twlory)
Blue: Write a ficlet inspired by the word blue. It might be a color, it might be a mood, it might be the name of your favorite hound dog from when you were 10. Whatever! Use your imagination. ... Challenge #78

Jaenelle had always loved the colour blue.

Blue was color of the skies that the Eyriens and the dragons flew with her. Blue was the colour of the seas that she loved to sit and relax beside. Blue was the colour of her best friend, Karla's, eyes.

When she thought of blue, however, she didn't automatically think about any of these things.

When she thought of the colour blue, she thought of the misty place, how the mist could make everything around her look blue. How without seeing exactly how the Abyss looked at her level, Saetan had decorated a room for her with many shades of blues in it. The room was her refuge and her father had chosen the surroundings well.

When she thought of blue, she also thought of the sadness she held for all of the friends that were lost to hatred and violence.

When those thoughts come into her mind, she also thinks of Alexandra and Leland.

When she had disappeared, her mother and grandmother hadn't even bothered to look for her. Their eyes haunted and hurt her because it made her remember that her own mother hadn't loved her. Her own grandmother, the Queen of Chaillot, hadn't cared enough to even pretend to look for her. It had been easier for them to pretend that she was dead. Easier for them not to have to deal with the strange and addled child that had been delivered into their family.

None of her relatives had ever cared about her except for one.

Wilhelmina always cared about her. Always loved her. Wilhelmina, her elder sister who had been made to be fragile and scared of everything around her. Her blue-gray eyes were the only ones in the group of relatives that had not looked at Jaenelle with fury or with disgust. It was Wilhelmina who was the one to protest when she was sent to Briarwood, and covered for her when she went to her lessons with Saetan.

When she thought of blue, she thought of her sister's eyes. The one set of eyes among her relatives she could always trust.

Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 356


kaeleers_heart: (Default)

August 2009

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