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kaeleers_heartThings said in anger?
There have been several things I have said in the heat of anger. Some were well-deserved, some perhaps not so much deserved. I have a temper some say. I believe we have covered that many times already.
Sometimes, in the heat of anger, my good sense tends to get pushed to the back by the predatory side of me that is all Witch. I do not feel like I have a short temper...no matter what the family may say. However, I can be pressed to use anger as a tool when it is needed to be.
Like when I lost my temper and wanted to kill Lord Friall for the things he had said about Papa. However, that is another story for another time.
The things I most wish I could take back are things that can never be erased. Words hurled in anger are the ones that hang in the air and can never be taken back --- no matter how much you wish it to be different.
It was shortly after I turned seventeen. I had been summoned because Sylvia was concerned about Tersa. When I got there, Tersa was agitated and when she said his name, all of the memories came flooding back.
Daemon.
Daemon, the one who had been my dearest friend, had defended me, had given me my first kiss ... he was trapped in the Twisted Kingdom.
I bared my teeth at Lucivar, wouldn't let him touch me, and then... I went to have words with Papa.
"Damn you." Her midnight voice sounded calm. It sounded deadly.
She meant it. If the malevolence and loathing in her eyes was any indication of the depth of her rage, then he was truly damned.
"You heartless bastard."
She walked toward him, flexing her fingers, drawing part of his attention to the dagger-sharp nails he now had reason to fear.
"You used him. He was a friend, and you used him."
...
"He shattered his crystal chalice," Jaenelle said in a hollow voice. "He shattered his mind. I put it back together, but it was so terribly fragile. When he rose out of the abyss, anything could have damaged him. A harsh word would have been enough at that point."
"I know," Saetan said cautiously. "I felt him."
The cold rage filled her eyes again. "But you left him there, didn't you, Saetan?" she said too softly. "Briarwood's uncles had arrived at the Altar, and you left a defenseless man to face them."
"He was supposed to go through the Gate," Saetan replied hotly. "I don't know why he didn't."
"Of course you know." Her voice became a sepulchral croon. "We both know. If a timing spell wasn't put on the candles to snuff them out and close the Gate, then someone had to stay behind to close it. Naturally it was the Warlord Prince who was expected to stay."
"He may have had other reasons to stay," Saetan said carefully.
"Perhaps," she replied with equal care. "But that doesn't explain why he's in the Twisted Kingdom, does it, High Lord?" She took a step closer to him. "That doesn't explain why you left him there."
...
"I didn't know he was in the Twisted Kingdom until—" Saetan clamped his teeth to hold the words back.
"Until Lucivar came to Kaeleer," Jaenelle finished for him. She waved a hand dismissively before he could speak. "Lucivar was in the salt mines of Pruul. I know there was nothing he could do. But you."
Saetan spaced out the words. "Getting you back was the first requirement. I gave my strength to that task. Daemon would have understood that, would have demanded it."
"I came back two years ago, and there's nothing draining your strength now." Pain and betrayal filled her eyes. "But you didn't even try to reach him, did you?"
...
"I'm going to get him back," Jaenelle said quietly.
Saetan straightened up. "You can't go back to Terreille."
"Don't tell me what I can or can't do," Jaenelle snarled.
"Listen to me, Jaenelle," he said urgently. "You can't go back to Terreille. As soon as she realized you were there, Dorothea would do everything she could to contain you or destroy you. And you're still not of age. Your Chaillot relatives could try to regain custody."
"I'll take that chance. I'm not leaving him to suffer." She turned to leave the room.
Saetan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Since I'm his father, I can reach him without needing physical contact."
"But he doesn't trust you."
"I can help you, Jaenelle."
She turned back to look at him, and he saw a stranger.
"I don't want your help, High Lord," she said quietly.
I was so angry, so very angry. I didn't understand how they could have left him there. Saetan had known that he was hurt that he was suffering and he hadn't told me. I felt betrayed and hurt. I was hurting for me and hurting for Daemon.
I remembered the night I was raped and how I had almost died. When I had dove deep into the abyss to escape all of what had happened, Daemon dove in after me. Only...he went too deep and he shattered his chalice. He followed me, brought me back and he was punished by his family for it.
First by Saetan who had left him there when the Uncles were attacking Briarwood. He was weak, fragile, and he was left behind to deal with everything and everyone.
When we were in the abyss, I had repaired his chalice, but it was so very fragile. As I told Saetan, anything could have broken him while he was that vulnerable. But it wasn't just anything that had broken him. It had been his own brother. That I could forgive. Lucivar wasn't in very good shape and when he thought Daemon had hurt me...had killed me...something broke inside of him.
I had spent a great deal of time with Lucivar, healing him and getting him acclimated to how different life was in Kaeleer from Terrielle. All those weeks and months while we were working together and forming court and familial bonds, he hadn't told me what he had done to Daemon. He never told me where the love of my life, my only friend in Beldon Mor was.
I understood how Lucivar might have been afraid to tell me what he had done to Daemon. How could he have known how I would react. When I found out, I was so angry, but not at Lucivar. He had been traumatized by the sight of so much of my blood that was spilled. The only other psychic scent he could detect on that sheet besides mine was Daemon's...his brother's. He had no idea what had happened on that night.
Saetan had known...but he hadn't found out until shortly before I had. At the time, that fact didn't matter to me. What had mattered to me was that Daemon was trapped somewhere and being destroyed piece by piece while he was there.
Saetan was his father. He was there that night. He knew what happened. He knew what Daemon had done and had not done. He knew and he had let his son down twice...at least that's how my seventeen year old emotions had felt at the time.
Things are better now. Daemon is back with us and the family is tied very closely together.
I don't want your help, High Lord.
I wish more than anything that I could take back the words said in anger on that painful night.
Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 751 (Not counting excerpt from the book. Word count is 1,286 with excerpt from book)
**Excerpt from "Heir to the Shadows" by Anne Bishop
There have been several things I have said in the heat of anger. Some were well-deserved, some perhaps not so much deserved. I have a temper some say. I believe we have covered that many times already.
Sometimes, in the heat of anger, my good sense tends to get pushed to the back by the predatory side of me that is all Witch. I do not feel like I have a short temper...no matter what the family may say. However, I can be pressed to use anger as a tool when it is needed to be.
Like when I lost my temper and wanted to kill Lord Friall for the things he had said about Papa. However, that is another story for another time.
The things I most wish I could take back are things that can never be erased. Words hurled in anger are the ones that hang in the air and can never be taken back --- no matter how much you wish it to be different.
It was shortly after I turned seventeen. I had been summoned because Sylvia was concerned about Tersa. When I got there, Tersa was agitated and when she said his name, all of the memories came flooding back.
Daemon.
Daemon, the one who had been my dearest friend, had defended me, had given me my first kiss ... he was trapped in the Twisted Kingdom.
I bared my teeth at Lucivar, wouldn't let him touch me, and then... I went to have words with Papa.
"Damn you." Her midnight voice sounded calm. It sounded deadly.
She meant it. If the malevolence and loathing in her eyes was any indication of the depth of her rage, then he was truly damned.
"You heartless bastard."
She walked toward him, flexing her fingers, drawing part of his attention to the dagger-sharp nails he now had reason to fear.
"You used him. He was a friend, and you used him."
...
"He shattered his crystal chalice," Jaenelle said in a hollow voice. "He shattered his mind. I put it back together, but it was so terribly fragile. When he rose out of the abyss, anything could have damaged him. A harsh word would have been enough at that point."
"I know," Saetan said cautiously. "I felt him."
The cold rage filled her eyes again. "But you left him there, didn't you, Saetan?" she said too softly. "Briarwood's uncles had arrived at the Altar, and you left a defenseless man to face them."
"He was supposed to go through the Gate," Saetan replied hotly. "I don't know why he didn't."
"Of course you know." Her voice became a sepulchral croon. "We both know. If a timing spell wasn't put on the candles to snuff them out and close the Gate, then someone had to stay behind to close it. Naturally it was the Warlord Prince who was expected to stay."
"He may have had other reasons to stay," Saetan said carefully.
"Perhaps," she replied with equal care. "But that doesn't explain why he's in the Twisted Kingdom, does it, High Lord?" She took a step closer to him. "That doesn't explain why you left him there."
...
"I didn't know he was in the Twisted Kingdom until—" Saetan clamped his teeth to hold the words back.
"Until Lucivar came to Kaeleer," Jaenelle finished for him. She waved a hand dismissively before he could speak. "Lucivar was in the salt mines of Pruul. I know there was nothing he could do. But you."
Saetan spaced out the words. "Getting you back was the first requirement. I gave my strength to that task. Daemon would have understood that, would have demanded it."
"I came back two years ago, and there's nothing draining your strength now." Pain and betrayal filled her eyes. "But you didn't even try to reach him, did you?"
...
"I'm going to get him back," Jaenelle said quietly.
Saetan straightened up. "You can't go back to Terreille."
"Don't tell me what I can or can't do," Jaenelle snarled.
"Listen to me, Jaenelle," he said urgently. "You can't go back to Terreille. As soon as she realized you were there, Dorothea would do everything she could to contain you or destroy you. And you're still not of age. Your Chaillot relatives could try to regain custody."
"I'll take that chance. I'm not leaving him to suffer." She turned to leave the room.
Saetan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Since I'm his father, I can reach him without needing physical contact."
"But he doesn't trust you."
"I can help you, Jaenelle."
She turned back to look at him, and he saw a stranger.
"I don't want your help, High Lord," she said quietly.
I was so angry, so very angry. I didn't understand how they could have left him there. Saetan had known that he was hurt that he was suffering and he hadn't told me. I felt betrayed and hurt. I was hurting for me and hurting for Daemon.
I remembered the night I was raped and how I had almost died. When I had dove deep into the abyss to escape all of what had happened, Daemon dove in after me. Only...he went too deep and he shattered his chalice. He followed me, brought me back and he was punished by his family for it.
First by Saetan who had left him there when the Uncles were attacking Briarwood. He was weak, fragile, and he was left behind to deal with everything and everyone.
When we were in the abyss, I had repaired his chalice, but it was so very fragile. As I told Saetan, anything could have broken him while he was that vulnerable. But it wasn't just anything that had broken him. It had been his own brother. That I could forgive. Lucivar wasn't in very good shape and when he thought Daemon had hurt me...had killed me...something broke inside of him.
I had spent a great deal of time with Lucivar, healing him and getting him acclimated to how different life was in Kaeleer from Terrielle. All those weeks and months while we were working together and forming court and familial bonds, he hadn't told me what he had done to Daemon. He never told me where the love of my life, my only friend in Beldon Mor was.
I understood how Lucivar might have been afraid to tell me what he had done to Daemon. How could he have known how I would react. When I found out, I was so angry, but not at Lucivar. He had been traumatized by the sight of so much of my blood that was spilled. The only other psychic scent he could detect on that sheet besides mine was Daemon's...his brother's. He had no idea what had happened on that night.
Saetan had known...but he hadn't found out until shortly before I had. At the time, that fact didn't matter to me. What had mattered to me was that Daemon was trapped somewhere and being destroyed piece by piece while he was there.
Saetan was his father. He was there that night. He knew what happened. He knew what Daemon had done and had not done. He knew and he had let his son down twice...at least that's how my seventeen year old emotions had felt at the time.
Things are better now. Daemon is back with us and the family is tied very closely together.
I don't want your help, High Lord.
I wish more than anything that I could take back the words said in anger on that painful night.
Muse: Jaenelle Angelline SaDiablo
Fandom: "The Black Jewels" trilogy; Misc. Books
Words: 751 (Not counting excerpt from the book. Word count is 1,286 with excerpt from book)
**Excerpt from "Heir to the Shadows" by Anne Bishop
